In my experience of life, I have learned that
relationships can be likened to bank accounts.
If you draw out more than you put in, the bank will close your
account. With relationships, the other
party may tolerate it, or end it, but in either case the relationship will
sour.
Marriage
You may have heard that for a marriage to be successful,
each partner must meet the other half-way.
If you do that, you will have a half-way marriage. It may continue on, but it will become lukewarm. Little surplus accumulates from 50/50
contributions, and the time will come when either partner may need to draw out
of the account more than is being put in.
When that happens, the 50/50 account will rapidly become depleted. For a marriage to thrive, each partner
(according to their ability) needs to give 75 or 100 percent all the time. Then, something will be there when the rainy
days come; and believe me they will.
Nevertheless, each individual among
you also is to love his own wife even as himself,
and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
(Eph 5:33
NASB)*
Friendship
Friendships are subject to definition. Some are very inclusive in their use of the
term. Friendly acquaintances, friends of
friends, amicable coworkers, and occasional companions are often called
friends. Others require a certain level
of emotional security, dependability, reliability, and trust to call someone a
friend; or a “close friend.” In any
case, for friendships to grow and last over time all parties need to invest in
the relationship in order to value it. People
need to have a sense of “give and take,” and to feel that things are “not just
one-way.”
In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them
to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
(Matt 7:12 NASB)*
Family
Relationships between adults and their children and
grandchildren change over time. In the
beginning, parents and grandparents put far more into the bank account than the
child does. Their role is nurturing and
custodial, whereas the child is dependent on their parents and grandparents for
almost everything. If parents expect
cooperation from their children, they must invest time and love in them; so
that the children do not develop feelings of exasperation and poor self-worth
when guidance, correction and humane discipline must be given.
Fathers do not exasperate your children, so that
they will not lose heart.
(Col. 3:21 NASB)*
(Col. 3:21 NASB)*
Fathers do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of
the Lord. (Eph 6:4 NASB)*
However, as parents and grandparents become infirm due to
old age, roles reverse. The nurtured become
the nurturers. Throughout history, when
that happens the primary responsibility for the care of the elderly has fallen
to the family. To make this reversal of
dependency work, the relationship account needs to be full. In recent years, the state has stepped in to
make institutional care for the elderly financially viable. The end result is that, as longevity
increases, the “nanny state” will not be able to afford to continue it. Further, it undermines the family’s need to
maintain cohesiveness. Please listen. This is important. Parents, children, and grandparents need to
keep that relationship account full.
Honor your father and
your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you. (Ex
20:12 NASB)*
Closing
There are many
other kinds of relationships that could be listed, but I do not want to belabor
the point. Of course, the bank account analogy
is not the only way of building and maintaining relationships. My own relationships are not perfect, but I
believe they are better than they otherwise might have been because I tried to
apply this simple idea to them.
Hopefully, it may help someone else.
No comments:
Post a Comment