Marriage

We have all heard the old saw, “Be careful what you wish for, because you might get it.”  Nowhere else in human experience is that more pertinent than when it is applied to marriage.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for marriage.  The Bible says:

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure,
and he receives favor from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22 NLT) *

It is wise, however, for both men and women to use caution and to seek the Lord’s leading when they marry.  A friend once told me, “When marriage is good there ain’t nothing better, but when it goes bad it’s the pits.”

Traditionally, most cultures have regarded marriage as a life-long commitment.  An attorney friend once cautioned me that marriage was the only legal contract one makes for a lifetime.

Too many marriages end in divorce.  Sadly, the divorce rate among Christians is nearly the same as it is among other couples.  Historically, ending a marriage has sometimes been treated as a taboo in many societies, but at other times it has also been allowed in a cavalier fashion.  In my observation, divorce causes a lot of wreckage in the affected peoples’ lives.  A person very dear to me once told me, “With some mistakes, you just have to pay and pay and pay.”

The Bible provides only two conditions in which Christians may divorce.  It is permitted (but not mandatory) when one of the partners commits adultery (Matthew 19:9), or when an unbelieving spouse deserts a Christian (1Corinthians 7:15).  Jesus wants us to be forgiving.  Nevertheless, we are not asked to remain in a marriage where the offending spouse refuses to accept responsibility and change their behavior.  Further, men and women who are being subjected to physical abuse need to separate from the abusive spouse.  The Bible teaches that we have the right to self-defense.

What I am saying is not intended to be judgmental, nor is it intended to be antimarriage.  It is cautionary because we (myself included) enter into modern marriage with far too little caution.  Too few of us turn to God for guidance regarding marriage, divorce, or anything else.

The Word of God urges married couples to have an attitude of servanthood, one to the other.  If we do what God says things turn out better.  The Apostle Paul used the relationship between Christ and the church as an example for us in marriage:

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.  As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.  He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.  In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.  No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.  And we are members of his body.

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” (Genesis 2:24) This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.  So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:21-33 NLT, emphasis added) *

Men and women, please allow me to share a truth that I have learned from experience.  If you do not know the meaning of humility before you get married, you will learn it after.  If you do not learn to be humble, there is a good chance that your marriage will fail … or become a life-long contest for control.  A stanza from a popular song said, “It’s my belief pride is the chief cause of the decline in the numbers of husbands and wives.” **

The Book of First Peter is often misunderstood and misapplied.  One of its themes is humility, and it urges us to be humble in all things:

… Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters.  Be tender hearted, and keep a humble attitude.  Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. (1Peter 3:8-9 NLT, emphasis added) *

And all of you, dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for

  “God opposes the proud

   but gives grace to the humble.” (Proverbs3:34)

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.  Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (1Peter 5:5-7 NLT) *

 Marriage is no exception:

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. (1Peter 3:1-2 NLT) *

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. (1Peter 3:7 NLT) *

Now, before you object about submission and humility, it helps to remember that God is God, and we are not.  I am not saying this in my own authority.  It is God’s wisdom for a happy life.  Consider our Lord’s example:

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Though he was God,he did not think of equality with God

as something to cling to.

Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;

he took the humble position of a slave

and was born as a human being.

When he appeared in human form,

he humbled himself in obedience to God

and died a criminal’s death on a cross. (Philippians 2:5-8 NLT)

When God unites a Christian married couple, they become one, and that united person must be  dedicated to serving Christ.  If you turn your marriage over to Jesus, and try to honor Him in it, it will go better for you.  My wife and I have found that it helps if we read two chapters in the Bible and pray together (almost) every day.  It opens our hearts to what Jesus has for us in our life together.

I confess that I seem to need to learn the lesson of humility over and over.  I am stubborn, proud, opinionated, and more than a little domineering.  Praise God for his patience with me (and my wife's patience, too).  I give all the credit to the Lord for our long-lasting marriage. When we tried to do it ourselves, we always messed it up.

 

*  https://biblehub.com

** “Husbands and Wives” (1966) Written by: Roger Miller Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/2042776/Brooks+%26+Dunn/Husbands+and+Wives